Not for the Life of Me
I STUDIED ALL THE PICTURES
IN MAGAZINES AND BOOKS.
I MEMORIZED THE SUBWAY MAP, TOO.
IT'S ONE BLOCK NORTH TO MACY'S,
AND TWO BLOCKS TO BROTHERS BROOKS.
MANHATTAN, I PREPARED FOR YOU.
YOU CERTAINLY ARE DIFF'RENT
FROM WHAT THEY HAVE BACK HOME,
WHERE NOTHIN'S OVER THREE STORIES HIGH,
AND NO ONE'S IN A HURRY,
OR WANTS TO ROAM.
BUT I DO, THOUGH THEY WONDER WHY.
THEY SAID I SOON BE GOOD AND LONELY.
THEY SAID I WOULD SING THE HOMESICK BLUES.
[Taking a train ticket from her pocket.]
SO I ALWAYS HAVE THIS TICKET IN MY POCKET,
A TICKET HOME IN MY POCKET
TO DO WITH AS I CHOOSE.
[Tearing the ticket in two.]
BURN THE BRIDGE. BET THE STORE.
BABY'S COMING HOME NO MORE,
NOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME.
BREAK THE LOCK. POST MY BAIL.
DONNE MY TIME; I'M OUT OF JAIL.
NOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME.
A LIFE THAT'S GOTTA BE MORE THAN A ONE-LIGHT TOWN,
WHERE THE LIGHTS ARE ALWAYS RED.
GOTTA BE MORE THAN AN OLD GHOST TOWN,
WHERE THE GHOST AIN'T EVEN DEAD.
CLAP-A-YOUR HANDS, JUST-A-BECAUSE
DON'T YOU KNOW THAT WHERE I AM AIN'T
WHERE I WAS.
NOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME.
BOH-DOH-DEE-OH.
NOT FOR THE LIFE OF,
NOT FOR THE LIFE OF,
NOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME!
Thoroughly Modern Millie
THERE ARE THOSE, I SUPPOSE,
THINK WE'RE MAD. HEAVEN KNOWS,
THE WORLD HAS GONE TO RACK AND TO RUIN
WOMAN #1:
WHAT WE THINK IS CHIC,
WOMAN #2:
UNIQUE
WOMEN #3 & #4:
AND QUITE ADORABLE.
ENSEMBLE WOMEN:
THEY THINK IS ODD AND "SODOOM AND GOMARRAH" -BLE!
MILLIE:
BUT THE FACT IS,
EVERYTHING TODAY IS THOROUGHLY MODERN
ENSEMBLE:
CHECK YOUR PERSONALITY.
MILLIE:
EVERYTHING TODAY MAKES YESTERDAY SLOW.
ENSEMBLE:
BETTER FACE REALITY.
MILLIE:
IT'S NOT INSANITY, SAYS VANITY FAIR.
IN FACT, IT'S STYLISH TO
MILLIE AND ENSEMBLE WOMEN:
RAISE YOUR SKIRTS AND BOB YOUR HAIR.
MILLIE:
HAVE YOU SEEN THE WAY THEY KISS
IN THE MOVIES?
ENSEMBLE MEN:
ISN'T IT DELECTABLE?
MILLIE AND ENSEMBLE WOMEN:
PAINTING LIPS AND PENCIL LINING YOUR BROW,
NOW IS QUITE RESPECTABLE.
MILLIE:
GOOD-BYE, GOOD GOODY GIRL
I'M CHANGING AND HOW.
ENSEMBLE:
SO BEAT THE DRUMS 'CAUSE HERE COMES
THOROUGHLY MODERN MILLIE NOW!
WHAT WE THINK IS CHIC, UNIQUE AND QUITE
ADORABLE,
THEY THINK IS ODD AND "SODOOM AND GOMORRAH"-BLE!
BUT THE FACT IS,
EVERYTHING TODAY IS THOROUGHLY MODERN
ENSEMBLE MEN:
BANDS ARE GETTING JAZZIER.
ENSEMBLE:
EVERYTHING TODAY IS STARTING TO GO,
ENSEMBLE WOMEN:
CARS ARE GETTING SNAZZIER.
ENSEMBLE:
MEN SAY IT'S CRIMINAL WHAT WOMEN'LL DO.
WHAT THEY'RE FORGETTING IS
MILLIE:
THIS IS 1922!
MILLIE and ENSEMBLE:
GOOD-BYE, GOOD GOODY GIRL
I'M CHANGING AND HOW!
MILLIE:
I'M CHANGING AND HOW!
MILLIE and ENSEMBLE:
SO BEAT THE DRUMS, 'CAUSE HERE COMES
THOROUGHLY
HOT OFF THE PRESS, ONE STEP AHEAD!
JAZZ AGE!
WHOOPEE BABY! WE'RE SO THOROUGHLY
MODERN
MILLIE:
MILLIE!
MILLIE and ENSEMBLE:
NOW!
Not For the Life of Me (Reprise)
THEY SAID I WOULD SING THE HOMESICK BLUES.
GRANNY DEAR, MOTHER MINE,
OLD AND GRAY AT TWENTY-NINE.
CALLOUSED HANDS, BROKEN HEART.
DREAMS THAT DIE BEFORE YOU START.
I ain't got nothin' ... so I got nothin' to lose!
Who needs a hat? Who needs a purse? And who needs you, mister whoever-you-are,
'cause I'm a pioneer woman, pal! The Woolworth Building! The Met Life Tower!
There's gold in them there hills, and I'm gonna get it or die trying!
DAYS OF YORE, KIND AND GENTLE,
ASK ME IF I'M SENTIMENTAL!
NOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME!
BOH-DOH-DEE-OH.
NOT FOR THE LIFE OF,
NOT FOR THE LIFE OF,
NOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME!
[Meanwhile, in the lobby of the Hotel Priscilla ...]
GLORIA, ALICE, RITA, RUTH, CORA and LUCILLE:
BURN THE BRIDGE, BET THE STORE,
BABY'S COMING HOME NO MORE,
NOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME.
LUCILLE & RITA:
A LIFE THAT'S
GOTTA BE MORE THAN
A ONE-LIGHT TOWN,
WHERE THE LIGHT
IS ALWAYS RED.
ALICE & CORA [In unison]:
GOTTA BE MORE THAN
A ONE-LIGHT TOWN
WHERE THE LIGHT IS ...
GLORIA & RUTH [In unison]:
GOTTA BE MORE THAN
A ONE-LIGHT TOWN.
GLORIA, ALICE, RITA, RUTH, CORA and LUCILLE:
GOTTA BE MORE THAN AN OLD GHOST TOWN,
WHERE THE GHOST AIN'T EVEN DEAD.
CLAP YOUR HANDS, JUST BECAUSE
WHERE I AM AIN'T WHERE I WAS.
NOT FOR THE LIFE OF
LUCILLE:
ME.
CORA:
ME.
ALICE:
ME.
RUTH:
ME.
GLORIA:
ME.
RITA:
BOH-DOH-DEE-OH.
GLORIA, ALICE, RITA, RUTH, CORA and LUCILLE:
NOT FOR THE LIFE OF,
NOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME!
How the Other Half Lives
THIS IS LIVING!
THIS IS WHAT I CALL LIVING!
I’VE HUNGERED FOR THIS DAY
SINCE HEAVEN KNOWS WHEN.
YEAR AFTER YEAR WITH A SECRET YEN!
ALL OF MY PRAYERS, ALL MY DESIRE,
EV’RY WAKING MOMENT WITH MY HEART AFIRE!
GIVE ME THE MEAT WITHOUT THE GRAVY.
I’LL TAKE THE OYSTER SANS THE PEARL.
PINCHING PENNIES, CLIPPING COUPONS,
SEE A BRAND NEW WORLD UNFURL.
LET ME BROWN BAG ALL MY LUNCHES,
TRY MY HAND AT CANNED CUISINE.
A BERLITZ CLASS I LONG TO PASS.
HOW THE OTHER HALF,
HOW THE OTHER HALF LIVES!
NO FOURTEEN-KARAT CRONIES, PHONIES.
FAIR-WEATHER FRIENDS.
I WANT AN “ON-THE-DOLE” MATE, SOULMATE,
STORMY-WEATHER FRIENDS.
POUR ME THE MILK BUT HOLD THE HONEY.
BRING ON THOSE FUNNY MONEY WOES.
PAYING PAUL BY ROBBING PETER.
LAYAWAY TO BUY MY CLOTHES.
SUMMER ON THE ISLE OF CONEY.
WINTER IN HELL’S KITCHENETTE.
I’LL TURN MY DIAL TO RANK AND FILE.
HOW THE OTHER HALF-
MILLIE:
HOW THE OTHER HALF LIVES!
POOR? NOT ME, HONEY.
I DON’T WANT THOSE MONEY WOES.
I’LL MARRY PAUL OR DAVE OR ROB OR PETER.
SO I CAN BUY MY CLOTHES AT SAKS FIFTH AVENUE,
BERGDORF GOOMAN, TOO.
THE PRIVILEGED FEW PLUS YOU-KNOW-WHO.
HOW THE OTHER HALF,
MILLIE and DOROTHY:
HOW THE OTHER HALF LIVES!
MILLIE:
I’m on the way up!
DOROTHY:
I’m on the way down!
MILLIE:
It’s a good thing we met in the middle!
MISS DOROTHY:
POUR ME THE MILK
BUT HOLD THE HONEY.
BRING ON THOSE FUNNY MONEY WOES.
PAYING PAUL BY ROBBING PETER.
LAYAWAY TO BUY MY CLOTHES.
SUMMER ON THE ISLE OF CONEY.
WINTER IN HELL’S KITCHENETTE.
MILLIE [In unison]:
POUR?
NOT ME, HONEY.
I DON’T WANT THOSE MONEY WOES.
I’LL MARRY PAUL OR DAVE OR ROB OR PETER,
SO I CAN BUY MY CLOTHES
AT SAKS FIFTH AVENUE,
BERGDORF GOODMAN, TOO.
MISS DOROTHY:
A WILD SOJOURN,
MILLIE:
SO I CAN LEARN,
MILLIE and DOROTHY:
LIVIN’ LIKE THE OTHER HALF!
Not For the Life of Me (Reprise)
Qiao shaodiao. Dian dadu.
GUAIGHUO BU ZAI HUI JIA LIAO.
ZHE SHENGHUO WO BU YAO.
[Burn the bride. Bet the store.
Baby’s coming home no more.
Not for the life of me.]
BUN FOO:
SHENGHUO YAO BI YI-DENG
XIAO ZHEN GENG FANRONG
ER DENG SHI YONGYUAN HONG.
[A life that’s gotta be more
than a one-light town
where the light is always red.]
CHING HO and BUN FOO:
SHENGHUO YAO BI GUI CHENG GENG RENAO,
LIAN GUI GUAI DOU HUOZHE.
Jia you! Jia you! Jia you!
[Gotta be more than an old ghost town,
where the ghost ain’t even dead!
Go team! Go team! Go team!]
PAIPAI SHOU
ZHI DAO MA
WODE JINTIAN BUSHI GUOGU
YIYANG LA.
ZHE SHENGHUO WO BU YAO.
[Clap your hands
Just because
Don’t you know that where I am
ain’t where I was.
Not for the life of me.]
BOH-DOH-DEE-OH.
[Boh-doh-dee-oh.]
ZHE SHENGHUO WO BU YAO!
[Not for the life of me!]
The Speed Test
Take a letter. To a Mr. John Hudson, Hudson's Floor Wax.
You will find an invoice in the file for the address. "Dear Mr. Hudson," colon:
MY EYES ARE FULLY OPEN
TO MY AWFUL SITUATION,
SO I'M WRITING A LETTER
TO DEMAND AN EXPLANATION.
WHEN THE FLOOR WAX
THAT WE BOUGHT FROM YOU ARRIVED HERE
MONDAY MORNING,
WE DISCOVERED UPON USAGE THAT THE FUME
SHOULD HAVE A WARNING.
SINCE THE ONLY POSSIBILITY IS THAT
YOUR WAX IS RANCID,
I REQUEST A FULL REFUND OF ALL
THE MONEY WE ADVANCED.
AND UNLESS YOU CAN CONVINCE ME
YOU'VE IMPROVED THE FLOOR WAX BATTER,
WE WILL TAKE OUR BUSINESS ELSEWHERE,
SO, I HOPE YOU SOLVE THIS MATTER.
How's my speed, Miss. Dillmount?
MILLIE:
A little slow, perhaps.
MR. GRAYDON:
Ah!
ENCLOSED YOU'LL FIND A SMALL
CONTAINER OF THE STUFF I TALK ABOUT.
JUST CAREFULLY REMOVE THE LID
AND TAKE A WHIFF IF YOU'VE A DOUBT.
I'M SURE YOU WOULDN'T WANT ME TO ALERT
THE DAILY PAPERS
WITH THE NEWS OF HOW OUR OFFICE
WAS AFFECTED BY YOUR VAPORS,
WHICH IS WHY I CHOOSE TO WRITE YO YOU
A CONFIDENTIAL LETTER
FULL OF STRONG RECOMMENDATION
THAT YOU MAKE YOUR FLOOR WAX BETTER.
I JUST HOPE IT WON'T REQUIRE US
TO HAVE OUR FLOOR RELAID, AND
IF IT DOES YOU MAY EXPECT A BILL
SINCERELY, TREVOR GRAYDON.
Now, read that back to me, please.
MILLIE:
Certainly. "Dear Mr. Hudson," colon:
MY EYES ARE FULLY OPEN
TO MY AWFUL SITUATION,
SO I'M WRITING A LETTER
TO DEMAND AN EXPLANATION.
WHEN THE FLOOR WAX
THAT WE BOUGHT FROM YOU ARRIVED HERE
MONDAY MORNING,
WE DISCOVERED UPON USAGE THAT THE FUME
SHOULD HAVE A WARNING.
SINCE THE ONLY POSSIBILITY IS THAT
YOUR WAX IS RANCID,
I REQUEST A FULL REFUND OF ALL
THE MONEY WE ADVANCED.
MR. GRAYDON:
Nice.
MILLIE:
AND UNLESS YOU CAN CONVINCE ME
YOU'VE IMPROVED THE FLOOR WAX BATTER,
WE WILL TAKE OUR BUSINESS ELSEWHERE,
SO, I HOPE YOU SOLVE THIS MATTER.
MR. GRAYDON:
Not half bad. Continue please.
MILLIE:
ENCLOSED YOU'LL FIND A SMALL
CONTAINER OF THE STUFF I TALK ABOUT.
JUST CAREFULLY REMOVE THE LID
AND TAKE A WHIFF IF YOU'VE A DOUBT.
I'M SURE YOU WOULDN'T WANT ME TO ALERT
THE DAILY PAPERS
WITH THE NEWS OF HOW OUR OFFICE
WAS AFFECTED BY YOUR VAPORS,
WHICH IS WHY I CHOOSE TO WRITE YO YOU
A CONFIDENTIAL LETTER
FULL OF STRONG RECOMMENDATION
THAT YOU MAKE YOUR FLOOR WAX BETTER.
I JUST HOPE IT WON'T REQUIRE US
TO HAVE OUR FLOOR RELAID, AND
IF IT DOES YOU MAY EXPECT A BILL
SINCERELY, TREVOR GRAYDON.
MR. GRAYDON:
Miss Dillmount, may I speak frankly?
MILLIE:
Yes?
MR. GRAYDON:
IF I COULD BE SO LUCKY AS TO HAVE
A GOOD STENOGRAPHER,
TO KEEP THIS PLACE AS UP-TO-DATE AS HER
SHORT SKIRT AND BOBBED CONFFURE,
I WOULDN'T HAVE TO WORRY 'BOUT OUR
SOURED OFFICE PLANKING,
AND COULD CONCENTRATE ON GENERATING
PROFITS RIPE FOR BANKING.
THAT IS WHY I'M TESTING YOU WITH THIS
OUTRAGEOUS CORRESPONDENCE,
WHICH I DON'T INTEND TO ACTUALLY MAIL
TO THE RESPONDENTS.
SO IT YOU CAN MAKE SENSE OF MY
UNINTELLIGIBLE PATTER,
THEN THE JOB IS YOURS AND HUDSON'S
FLOOR WAX REALLY DOESN'T MATTER.
MILLIE:
HUDSON'S FLOOR WAX
DOESN'T MATTER?
MATTER, MATTER
MATTER, MATTER.
HUDSON'S FLOOR WAX
DOESN'T MATTER?
MATTER, MATTER,
MATTER, MATTER.
MR. GRAYDON [In unison]:
HUDSON'S FLOOR WAX
DOESN'T MATTER!
MATTER, MATTER,
MATTER, MATTER.
HUDSON'S FLOOR WAX
DOESN'T MATTER!
OFFICE WORKERS [In unison]:
HUDSON'S FLOOR WAX
DOESN'T MATTER!
MATTER, MATTER,
MATTER, MATTER.
MR. GRAYDON:
Now, I want that letter on my desk in two-minutes flat. Man your machine! Go!
[Millie's rapid fire typing/tapping dazzles the office workers.
She presents the finished letter to Mr. Graydon.]
Time! "Dear Mr. Hudson,"
MILLIE and OFFICE WORKERS:
Colon.
MR. GRAYDON:
MY EYES ARE FULLY OPEN TO MY AWFUL SITUATION,
SO I'M WRITING A LETTER TO DEMAND AN EXPLANATION.
WHEN THE FLOOR WAX THAT WE BOUGHT FROM YOU ARRIVED HERE MONDAY MORNING,
WE DISCOVERED UPON USAGE THAT THE FUME SHOULD HAVE A WARNING.
SINCE THE ONLY POSSIBILITY IS THAT YOUR WAX IS RANCID,
I REQUEST A FULL REFUND OF ALL THE MONEY WE ADVANCED.
AND UNLESS YOU CAN CONVINCE ME YOU'VE IMPROVED THE FLOOR WAX BATTER,
WE WILL TAKE OUR BUSINESS ELSEWHERE, SO, I HOPE YOU SOLVE THIS MATTER.
MILLIE and OFFICE WORKERS:
SO I HOPE YOU SOLVE THIS MATTER.
SO I HOPE YOU SOLVE THIS MATTER.
SO I HOPE YOU SOLVE THIS MATTER.
SO I HOPE YOU SOLVE THIS MATTER!
MR. GRAYDON:
Going on.
ENCLOSED YOU'LL FIND A SMALL CONTAINER
OF THE STUFF I TALK ABOUT.
JUST CAREFULLY REMOVE THE LID AND
TAKE A WHIFF IF YOU'VE A DOUBT.
I'M SURE YOU WOULDN'T WANT ME TO
ALERT THE DAILY PAPERS
WITH THE NEWS OF HOW OUR OFFICE WAS
AFFECTED BY YOUR VAPORS,
WHICH IS WHY I CHOOSE TO WRITE YO YOU
A CONFIDENTIAL LETTER
FULL OF STRONG RECOMMENDATION THAT
YOU MAKE YOUR FLOOR WAX BETTER.
I JUST HOPE IT WON'T REQUIRE US
TO HAVE OUR FLOOR RELAID, AND
IF IT DOES YOU MAY EXPECT A BILL
SINCERELY, TREVOR GRAYDON.
YOU HAVE MADE THE TEAM, MISS DILLMOUNT!
OFFICE WORKERS:
YOU HAVE MADE THE TEAM, MISS DILLMOUNT!
MILLIE:
TELL ME WHERE MY DESK IT,
WHERE WE EAT LUNCH,
HOW MUCH I'LL BE PAID, AND
NICE TO MEET YOU, I KNOW WE'LL BE FRIENDS.
JUST CALL ME MILLIE GRAYDON.
MR. GRAYDON and OFFICE WORKERS:
MILLIE GRAYDON?
MILLIE:
I mean Dillmount!
MR. GRAYDON and OFFICE WORKERS:
MILLIE DILLMOUNT?
MILLIE:
Someday Graydon!
MR. GRAYDON and OFFICE WORKERS:
GRAYDON? DILLMOUNT? DILLMOUNT?
GRAYDON? GRAYDON? DILLMOUNT?
MILLIE:
Graydon!
MILLIE, MR. GRAYDON and OFFICE WORKERS:
AAAAAAAAH!
They Don't Know
THEY DON’T KNOW MY FLAIR FOR THE DRAMATIC
NOT A CLUE, THE TALENT I POSSESS.
PRETTY GIRLS, BUT NOT MUCH IN THE ATTIC,
FACE-TO-FACE WITH GENIUS, AND THEY NEVER GUESS.
THEY DON’T KNOW THEY’RE STARING AT AN ARTIST,
HIGHLY TRAINED TO TAKE ON ANY ROLE.
SKILLFUL MIMI, AND BRILLIANT LAUNDRY CART-IST,
SEEKING RETRIBUTION FOR THE LIFE THEY STOLE.
I ALMOST ACTED CHEKHOV, IBSEN, SHAW, MOLIERE.
I ALMOST STARRED AS PETER PAN;
IMAGINE MOI MIDAIR!
I ALMOST TACKLED SHAKESPEARE,
A BLUSHING JULIET,
AND IF THE HOUSE WERE BIG ENOUGH,
I STILL COULD PLAY HER YET.
THEY DON’T KNOW I’M HOTTER NEWS THAN DUSE,
HELEN HAYES AND BERNHARDT ALL IN ONE.
WAIT AND SEE WHO’S STANDING
WHEN MY PLAY IS DONE.
SO WELCOME ALL YE BRIGHT YOUNG LADIES,
YOU’RE CHECKING IN TO HOTEL HADES.
I WON’T STAND BY AND WHILE CRITICS PRAISE YA,
YOU’RE GETTING SHIPPED TO SOUTHEAST ASIA.
BUT THEY DON’T KNOW, THEY DON’T KNOW.
SAD TO BE ALL ALONE IN THE WORLD,
BUT THEY DON’T KNOW!
The Nuttycracker Suite
[Jimmy escorts Millie and the girls from the Pricilla into a speakeasy,
where they sample their first taste of gin,
dance the latest dances and are arrested in a police raid.]
where they sample their first taste of gin,
dance the latest dances and are arrested in a police raid.]
What Do I Need With Love?
JIMMY:
OH, THE PLACES I WOULD LIKE TO SHOW YOU,
ALTHOUGH I HARDLY KNOW YOU.
I’VE A FUNNY FEELING WE MAKE A PERFECT PAIR.
FAMOUS SIGHTS I WANT TO SEE YOU SEEING,
THEN NIGHTS OF YOU AND ME-ING
ME. YOU. WE-
Wait a minute! Just a minute! No, no, no, no!
I’M A JOE WITH JUST ONE AIM:
EV’RY NIGHT TO DATE A DIFF’RENT DAME.
CALL EACH ONE OF ‘EM THE SAME PET NAME,
“HEY BABY’.
IN A ROW, I HAVE MY DUCKS.
LOADS OF GALS TO ME LOADS OF YUKS.
LEAVE THE COONING TO THE OTHER CLUCKS.
I DON’T MEAN MAYBE.
GOT IT GOOD. WHAT DO I NEED WITH LOVE?
ALWAYS PRACTICE WHAT I PREACH:
KEEP TEMPTATION OUT OF EASY REACH.
STICK TO GALS WHO WASH THEIR HAIR IN BLEACH,
I’M HAPPY.
COME AND GO THE WAY I CHOOSE.
NEVER GONNA SING THE TIED DOWN BLUES.
OTHER GUYS WOULD KILL TO FILL MY SHOES.
NO WING-CLIPPED SAPPY.
GOT IT GOOD. WHAT DO I NEED WITH LOVE?
THAT WAS A NEAR MISS.
TALK ABOUT A CLOSE SHAVE.
FLIRTED WITH DISASTER.
THERE MUST BE SOMEONE UP THERE
WATCHIN’ OVER ME.
TALK ABOUT A FOUR-LEAF-CLOVER-ME.
PETER RABBIT’S MISSING FOOTSIE
MEANS I ROLL WITHOUT A TOOTSIE.
GOT IT GOOD. WHAT DO I NEED WITH LOVE?
I GOT IT GOOD. WHAT DO I NEED WITH LOVE?
SKIP THE VOWS AND ALL THAT ROT.
TELL THE MINISTER THAT I “DO” NOT.
BRIGHT AND BREEZY IS THE-
BIRDS AND BEES-Y IS THE-
FREE AND EASY IS THE LIFE I GOT-
WITHOUT HER.
ALTHOUGH I HARDLY KNOW YOU…
WHAT DO I NEED WITH LOVE?
I GOT IT GOOD.
GOT IT GOOD.
BUT NOW I GOT IT BAD!
OH, THE PLACES I WOULD LIKE TO SHOW YOU,
ALTHOUGH I HARDLY KNOW YOU.
I’VE A FUNNY FEELING WE MAKE A PERFECT PAIR.
FAMOUS SIGHTS I WANT TO SEE YOU SEEING,
THEN NIGHTS OF YOU AND ME-ING
ME. YOU. WE-
Wait a minute! Just a minute! No, no, no, no!
I’M A JOE WITH JUST ONE AIM:
EV’RY NIGHT TO DATE A DIFF’RENT DAME.
CALL EACH ONE OF ‘EM THE SAME PET NAME,
“HEY BABY’.
IN A ROW, I HAVE MY DUCKS.
LOADS OF GALS TO ME LOADS OF YUKS.
LEAVE THE COONING TO THE OTHER CLUCKS.
I DON’T MEAN MAYBE.
GOT IT GOOD. WHAT DO I NEED WITH LOVE?
ALWAYS PRACTICE WHAT I PREACH:
KEEP TEMPTATION OUT OF EASY REACH.
STICK TO GALS WHO WASH THEIR HAIR IN BLEACH,
I’M HAPPY.
COME AND GO THE WAY I CHOOSE.
NEVER GONNA SING THE TIED DOWN BLUES.
OTHER GUYS WOULD KILL TO FILL MY SHOES.
NO WING-CLIPPED SAPPY.
GOT IT GOOD. WHAT DO I NEED WITH LOVE?
THAT WAS A NEAR MISS.
TALK ABOUT A CLOSE SHAVE.
FLIRTED WITH DISASTER.
THERE MUST BE SOMEONE UP THERE
WATCHIN’ OVER ME.
TALK ABOUT A FOUR-LEAF-CLOVER-ME.
PETER RABBIT’S MISSING FOOTSIE
MEANS I ROLL WITHOUT A TOOTSIE.
GOT IT GOOD. WHAT DO I NEED WITH LOVE?
I GOT IT GOOD. WHAT DO I NEED WITH LOVE?
SKIP THE VOWS AND ALL THAT ROT.
TELL THE MINISTER THAT I “DO” NOT.
BRIGHT AND BREEZY IS THE-
BIRDS AND BEES-Y IS THE-
FREE AND EASY IS THE LIFE I GOT-
WITHOUT HER.
ALTHOUGH I HARDLY KNOW YOU…
WHAT DO I NEED WITH LOVE?
I GOT IT GOOD.
GOT IT GOOD.
BUT NOW I GOT IT BAD!
Only in New York
THE WONDERS OF THE WORLD
ARE SAID TO STOP AT SEVEN,
BUT TRUTH TO TELL, MY FIGURES DON’T AGREE.
I NUMBER THEM AT EIGHT,
WITH ONE SO CLOSE TO HEAVEN,
THE OTHERS PALE, THEIR MAGIC STALE.
JUST TAKE A LOOK AND SEE.
STEP RIGHT UP TO TREASURE ISLE.
EV’RY INCH OF IT, A SKY-HIGH MILE.
FAIRYTALE LAND.
ONLY IN NEW YORK.
HEY CASTLE-BUILDER,
WANT THE MOON, AND NOTHING LESS?
WORK FOR YEARS, THEN OVERNIGHT SUCCESS!
I KNOW FIRSTHAND.
ONLY IN NEW YORK.
EACH DAY IT’S FREE ADMISSION
TO THOSE WHO DREAM.
YOU SET YOUR SIGHTS ALL THE WAY UPSTREAM.
OFF YOU GO, FOR YOU KNOW
THAT CREAM WILL RISE.
MAKE THAT WISH, SEEK THAT THRILL.
COME AND GET IT, ‘CAUSE YOU ALWAYS WILL
STRIKE UP THE BAND.
ONLY IN NEW YORK.
EACH DAY IT’S FREE ADMISSION
TO THOSE WHO DREAM.
YOU SET YOUR SIGHTS ALL THE WAY UPSTREAM.
OFF YOU GO, FOR YOU KNOW
THAT CREAM WILL RISE. RISE!
NEW, IMPROVES AND REARRANGED,
IT’S EVER-CHANGING, YET IT’S NEVER CHANGED.
LIFE ON COMMAND!
HEAR WHAT I’M SAYING: OH, BUT IT’S GRAND!
THAT’S WHY I’M STAYING RIGHT HERE AS PLANNED,
ONLY IN NEW YORK. ONLY IN NEW YORK.
ONLY IN NEW YORK!
Jimmy
AM I DRUNK? OR MAYBE I’M DREAMING,
I OUGHTA BE SCREAMING! HE SUDDENLY –
EVERYTHING TODAY IS THOROUGHLY-
JUST LIKE THAT, WITHOUT ANY WARNING,
AT TWO IN THE MORNING, HE SUDDENLY-
EVERYTHING TODAY IS THOROUGHLY-
WHERE THERE SIGNS, AND I DIDN’T SEE THEM?
A RANDOM REMARK, OCCASIONAL SIGH,
THAT DAY IN THE PARK, THE GLEAM IN HIS EYE!
EVERYTHING TODAY IS THOROUGHLY-
EVERYTHING TODAY IS THOROUGHLY-
JIMMY, OH, JIMMY, SILLY BOY,
GEE, WHAT A REAL SWELL GUY.
JIMMY, OH JIMMY, OH WHAT JOY!
HE MAKES MY TROUBLES FLY.
HIS GLANCE HAD FIREWORKS IN IT.
WE KISSED, MY HEART DID
A WHIZ-BANG, FLIP-FLOP,
HEAVEN FOR A MINUTE.
JIMMY, OH JIMMY, DON’T YOU KNOW
WHAT I CAN’T QUITE CONFESS?
SO COAX ME, IMPLORE ME.
I PROMISE YOU WON’T BORE ME.
JIMMY, I MIGHT SAY YES.
HE MAKES MY TROUBLES FLY.
HIS GLANCE HAD FIREWORKS IN IT.
WE KISSED, MY HEART DID
A WHIZ-BANG, FLIP-FLOP,
HEAVEN FOR A MINUTE,
SO JIMMY, OH JIMMY, DON’T YOU KNOW
WHAT I CAN’T QUITE CONFESS?
SO COAX ME, IMPLORE ME,
I PROMISE YOU WON’T BORE ME.
OH, JIMMY, I MIGHT SAY YES!
Back at Work
Sincere Trust … Jimmy, leave me alone.
MISS FLANNERY:
Personal matter? Not on company time.
MILLIE:
I didn’t ask him to call.
I don’t want him to call.
I never see Jimmy Smith again.
MISS FLANNERY:
Good. Forget the boys, Dillmount.
Get yourself a canary.
Forget About the Boy
NO CANARY IN A CAGE FOR ME.
THIS CANARY IS READY TO FLY FREE!
CUT THE CORD.
IS THAT A MAN I ONCE ADORED?
HE’S NOTHING BUT AN ALBATROSS,
NO GREAT LOST, DOUBLE CROSSER.
FORGET ABOUT THE BOY.
PULL THE PLUG.
AIN’T HE THE ONE WHO PULLED THE RUG?
HE’S LOWER THAN AN ALLEY CAT,
DIRTY RAT, AND I FLATTER.
FORGET ABOUT THE BOY.
FORGET ABOUT THE BOY.
FORGET ABOUT THE BOY.
AND IN THE MOONLIGHT,
DON’T YOU THINK ABOUT HIM.
SISTER, YOU’RE MUCH BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM.
YOU CAN BLOW THE BLUES A KISS GOOD-BYE,
AND PUT THE SUN BACK IN THE SKY,
FOR WHEN HE COMES CRAWLIN’,
I’M NOT FALLING.
SHOUT HOORAY AND HALLELUH!
NOW ME AND MISTER WRONG ARE THROUGH.
I’LL FIND MYSELF ANOTHER BEAU
WHO I KNOW IS NO ROVER
FORGET ABOUT THE BOY.
FORGET ABOUT THE BOY.
FORGET ABOUT-
JIMMY, OH JIMMY. JIMMY.
TYPIST #1:
HORACE.
TYPIST #2:
DANNY.
TYPIST #3:
MILTON.
TYPIST #4:
PERCY.
TYPIST #5:
EDGAR.
TYPIST #6:
TIMOTHY.
TYPIST #7:
ALFRED.
TYPIST #8:
VITO CARBONE.
TYPIST #9:
BENJAMIN PRATT, THE THIRD.
TYPIST #10:
TEDDY MORGAN.
MISS FLANNERY:
BARNEY SCHREIBER, C.P.A.!
MILLIE:
JIMMY, OH JIMMY.
SILLY BOY,
GEE,
WHAT A REAL SWELL GUY.
FORGET ABOUT THE BOY.
JIMMY, OH JIMMY.
OH, WHAT JOY!
HE MAKES
MY TROUBLES FLY!
MISS FLANNERY and TYPISTS [In unison]:
CUT THE CORD,
IS THAT A MAN I
ONCE ADORED?
HE’S NOTHING BUT
AN ALBATROSS,
NO GREAT LOSS,
DOUBLE CROSSER!
FORGET ABOUT THE BOY.
PULL THE PLUG.
AIN’T HE THE ONE
WHO PULLED THE RUG?
HE’S LOWER THAN AN
ALLEY CAT,
DIRTY RAT, AND I FLATTER.
MILLIE, MISS FLANNERY and TYPISTS:
FORGET ABOUT THE BOY.
FORGET ABOUT THE BOY.
FORGET ABOUT THE BOY.
[The typists break into defiant tap,
Topped by Miss Flannery in a tap solo.]
SHOUT HOORAY AND HALLELUH!
NOW ME AND MISTER WRONG ARE THROUGH.
I’LL FIND MYSELF ANOTHER BEAU
WHO I KNOW IS NO ROVER.
FORGET ABOUT THE BOY.
FORGET ABOUT THE BOY.
MILLIE:
FORGET ABOUT THE BOY!
AND IN THE MOONLIGHT,
DON’T YOU THINK ABOUT HIM.
YOU CAN BLOW THE
BLUES A KISS GOOD-BYE,
AND PUT THE
SUN BACK IN THE SKY,
MISS FLANNERY and TYPISTS [In unison]:
FORGET ABOUT THE BOY!
AAH-AAH.
AAH-AAH.
SISTER, YOU’RE MUCH
BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM.
BLUES A KISS GOOD-BYE.
SUN BACK IN THE SKY,
MISS FLANNERY and TYPISTS:
FOR WHEN HE COMES CRAWLIN’
MILLIE:
I’M NOT FALLIN’!
MILLIE, MISS FLANNERY and TYPISTS:
HALLEUJAH!
FORGET ABOUT THE BOY.
FORGET ABOUT THE BOY.
FORGET ABOUT THE BOY!
Ah! Sweet Mystery / I'm Falling in Love with Someone
AH! SWEET MYSTERY OF LIFE,
AT LEAST I’VE FOUND THEE!
AH! I KNOW AT LAST THE SECRET OF IT ALL!
MISS DOROTHY:
ALL THE LONGING, SEEKING, STRIVING,
WAITING, YEARNING,
THE BURNING HOPES, THE JOY AND
IDLE TEARS THAT FALL.
MR. GRAYDON:
I’VE A VERY STRANGE FEELING I NE’ER FELT BEFORE.
‘TIS A KIND OF A GRIND OF DEPRESSION.
MISS. DOROTHY:
MY HEART’S ACTING STRANGELY,
IT FEELS RATHER SORE.
AT LEAST IT GIVES ME THAT IMPRESSION.
MR. GRAYDON:
MY PULSES LEAP MADLY WITHOUT ANY CAUSE.
BELIEVE ME, I’M TELLING YOU TRULY.
MISS. DOROTHY:
I’M GAY WITHOUT PAUSE,
THEN SAD WITHOUT CAUSE.
MR. GRAYDON:
MY SPIRITS ARE TRULY UNRULY.
FOR I’M FALLING IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE,
SOME ONE GIRL.
I’M FALLING IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE,
HEAD AWHIRL!
MISS DOROTHY and MR GRAYDON:
YES! I’M FALLING IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE,
PLAIN TO SEE.
MR GRAYDON:
I’M SURE I COULD LOVE SOMEONE MADLY,
IF SOMEONE WOULD ONLY LOVE ME.
[They dance an impassioned if acrobatic pas de deux.]
MR GRAYDON and MISS DOROTHY:
YES! I’M FALLING IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE,
PLAIN TO SEE.
I’M SURE I COULD LOVE SOMEONE MADLY,
IF SOMEONE WOULD ONLY LOVE ME.
I Turned the Corner / I'm Falling in Love With Someone (Quartet / Reprise)
THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE,
WAY DOWN BELOW,
WANDERING TO AND FRO.
TIRELESS PEOPLE, NO TIME TO LOSE,
CROWDING THE AVENUES AND PARKS.
ON THEIR MARKS,
RACING FAST; QUITE A CAST.
MILLIONS OF PEOPLE, PICK ANY TWO:
THEY COULD BE JUST LIKE
YOU AND ME USED TO BE,
WAY BACK WHEN, STRANGERS, THEN-
I TURNED TO CORNER,
AND THERE YOU STOOD
YOUR SMILE LIKE HOME TO ME,
YOUR HEART FAMILIAR.
NO USED PRETENDING, NOT THAT I COULD.
I TURNED THE CORNER WHEN I MET YOU.
I TURNED THE CORNER;
STOPPED ON A DIME,
LIKE I REMEMBERED SOMEONE
LONG FORGOTTEN.
NO MERE FLIRTATION, NO MARKING TIME.
I TURNED THE CORNER WHEN I MET YOU,
WHEN I MET YOU.
WAS OUR ENCOUNTER PLANNED,
DESTINY’S GUIDING HAND?
FORTUNE TO FATE, IT’S GRAND
THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL!
ALL OF THE PAST ERASED,
GLORIOUS FUTURE FACED.
NOW THAT MY LIFE YOU’VE GRACED,
I’LL NEVER BE THE SAME!
I TURNED THE CORNER,
FELT ON THE GROUND.
MY SPIRIT SOARED AS YOU APPEARED
BEFORE ME!
I WASN’T LOOKING;
LOOK WHAT I FOUND!
I TURNED THE CORNER
WHEN I MET YOU.
MILLIE [In unison]:
ALL OF THE PAST ERASED,
GLORIOUS FUTURE FACED.
NOW MY LIFE WILL
NEVER BE THE SAME!
I TURNED THE CORNER
FELT ON THE GROUND.
MY SPIRIT SOARED AS YOU APPEARED
BEFORE ME!
I DIDN’T LOOK…
WHAT I FOUND!
I TURNED THE
CORNER.
FOR I’M FALLING
IN LOVE WITH
SOMEONE,
SOMEONE,
I’M FALLING IN
LOVE WITH
SOMEONE,
HEAD AWHIRL.
YES, I’M FALLING
IN LOVE WITH
SOMEONE, PLAIN
TO SEE,
I’M SURE I COULD
LOVE SOMEONE
MADLY…
JIMMY [In unison]:
I TURNED THE
CORNER WHEN
I MET YOU.
FOR I AM
FALLING IN LOVE
WITH SOME ONE
GIRL.
I AM FALLING SO
IN LOVE,
A FEELING I
HAVE NEVER
FELT.
PULSE IS
LEAPING MADLY.
YES, I’M FALLING
IN LOVE WITH
SOMEONE, PLAIN
TO SEE,
I’M SURE I COULD
LOVE SOMEONE…
MR GRAYDON:
FALLING IN LOVE
WITH SOMEONE,
SOME GIRL.
A FEELING I
HAVE NEVER
FELT.
PULSE IS
LEAPING MADLY.
YES, I’M FALLING
IN LOVE WITH
SOMEONE, PLAIN
TO SEE,
I’M SURE-
MISS DOROTHY [In unison]:
SOMEONE,
SOME ONE GIRL.
HEAD AWHIRL.
YES, I’M FALLING
IN LOVE WITH
SOMEONE, PLAIN
TO SEE.
I’M SURE I COULD
LOVE SOMEONE…
CHING HO:
I love you, Miss Dorothy.
IF SOMEONE
WOULD ONLY
LOVE ME!
Muquin
EVERYTHING SEEMS LOVELY
WHEN YOU START TO ROAM.
THE BIRDS ARE SINGING
THE DAY THAT YOU STRAY,
BUT WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE FARTHER AWAY.
THINGS WON’T BE SO LOVELY,
WHEN YOU’RE ALL ALONE.
HERE’S WHAT YOU’LL KEEP SAYING WHEN
YOU’RE FAR FROM HOME.
[Mrs. Meers dangles a photograph in front of
Ching Ho and Bun Foo: it’s their mother.]
BUN FOO:
MUQIN.
[Mammy.]
MRS. MEERS:
That’s right.
CHING HO:
MUQIN.
[Mammy.]
MRS. MEERS:
Now you’re talking.
BUN FOO:
TAIYANG ZHAO DONG FANG.
[The sun shines east.]
CHING HO:
TAIYANG ZHAO XI FANG.
[The sun shines west.]
MRS. MEERS:
BUT YOU KNOW WHERE “TAIYANG ZHAO” BEST.
BUN FOO:
ZHAO DAO, ZHAO DAO MUQIN TA SHENSHANG.
[On Mammy.]
CHING HO:
ZHAO DAO, ZHAO WO MUQIN TA SHENSHANG.
[My Mammy.]
CHING HO and BUN FOO:
WODE XIN YONGYUAN WANG JIAXIANG.
[My heart strings are tangled around Siam-y.]
CHING HO:
WO LAILIAO. BUREN YAO NIN DUO DENGDAI.
[I’m coming. Sorry that I made you wait.]
MRS. MEERS:
Take her home!
BUN FOO:
WO LIALIAO. WANLE KONGPA NIN BUZAI.
[I’m coming. I hope and pray I’m not too late.]
MRS. MEERS:
It’s never too late for:
MRS. MEERS, CHING HO and BUN FOO:
MAMMY. MAMMY
CHING HO and BUN FOO:
WO YUEN ZOU BAIWAN LI KAN NI XIAOMIMI.
[We’d walk a million miles for one of those smiles.]
MRS. MEERS, CHING HO and BUN FOO:
MY MAMMY.
CHING HO:
WO YUEN ZOU BAIWAN LI KAN NI XIAOMIMI.
[I’d walk a million miles for one of those smiles.]
BUN FOO:
WO YIBEI FANZUI YEBU HAIPA.
[We’ll lead a life of crime to buy us some time.]
MRS. MEERS:
THEY’LL WORK FOR MRS. MEERS
THE REST OF THEIR YEARS!
MRS. MEERS, CHING HO and BUN FOO:
MY MAMMY!
Long As I'm Here With You
WE’VE BEEN SAD AND LONESOME,
HERE AT CAFÉ SOCIETY.
BUT TONIGHT THE WORLD IS RIGHT,
A DREAM COME TRUE:
MISS “YOU-KNOW-WHO”
IS BACK WHERE SHE BELONGS.
MUZZY:
LIFE IS A HOLIDAY.
I’M TALKING JUNE THROUGH MAY.
A NIGHTLY SELL-OUT SHOW,
AND BABY, I’M FRONT ROW.
BYE-BYE TO LONELY NIGHTS.
ONLY NIGHTS WHEN THE TWO OF US CAN COO.
SKIES ARE SUNNY AND CLEAR,
LONG AS I’M HERE WITH YOU.
THE WORLD’S A SUGAR BOWL.
IT’S SEVENS EV’RY ROLL.
SNEAK PEEK AT PARADISE;
THE VIEW IS MIGHTY NICE.
I GOT NO BLUES TO SING;
CHOOSE TO SING A MELODY FOR TWO.
HAPPY ENDING IS NEAR.
LONG AS I’M HERE WITH YOU.
ENSEMBLE MEN:
LIFE IS A HOLIDAY.
I’M TAKING JUNE THROUGH MAY.
A NIGHTLY SELL-OUT SHOW.
AND BABY, I’M FRONT ROW.
MUZZY:
I GOT NO BLUES TO SING;
CHOOSE TO SING A MELODY FOR TWO.
HAPPY ENDING IS NEAR,
LONG AS I’M HERE WITH YOU.
WHO CARES IF THERE’S NO BOOZE,
OR THAT THE YANKEES LOSE?
CAN’T PAY MY INCOME TAX.
BUT IN SPITE OF THE FACTS.
NO ONE COULD ASK FOR MORE.
KID IN A CANDY STORE!
THE JACKPOT HAS BEEN HIT;
I’M LIVING PROOF OF IT.
AND AS FOR ALL THAT PASSED,
CALL THAT PAST!
I FOUND A HEART THAT’S TRUE.
WHAT A RED-LETTER YEAR,
LONG AS I’M HERE WITH YOU.
AND YOU. AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU,
AND YEAH, YOU TOO.
SO HAPPY, DEAR.
LONG AS I’M HERE WITH,
LONG AS I’M HERE WITH YOU!
Gimme Gimme
A SIMPLE CHOICE, NOTHING MORE.
THIS OR THAT, EITHER OR.
MARRY WELL, SOCIAL WHIRL, BUSINESS MAN,
CLEAVER GIRL,
OR PIN MY FUTURE ON A GREEN GLASS LOVE.
WHAT KIND OF LIFE AM I DREAMING OF?
I SAY GIMME, GIMME… GIMME, GIMME…
GIMME, GIMME THAT THING CALLED LOVE.
I WANT IT.
GIMME, GIMME THAT THING CALLED LOVE.
I NEED IT.
HIGHS AND LOWS, TEARS AND LAUGHTER.
GIMME HAPPY EVER AFTER.
GIMME, GIMME THAT THING CALLED LOVE.
GIMME, GIMME THAT THING CALLED LOVE.
I CRAVE IT.
GIMME, GIMME THAT THING CALLED LOVE.
I’LL BRAVE IT.
THINK ‘N THIN, RICH OR POOR TIME.
GIMME, GIMME THAT THING CALLED LOVE.
GIMME, GIMME THAT THING CALLED LOVE.
I’M FREE NOW.
GIMME, GIMME THAT THING CALLED LOVE.
I SEE NOW.
FLY, DOVE! SING, SPARROW!
GIMME CUPID’S FAMOUS ARROW.
GIMME, GIMME THAT THING CALLED LOVE.
I DON’T CARE IF HE’S A NOBODY.
IN MY HEART, HE’LL BE A SOMEBODY,
SOMEBODY TO LOVE ME!
I NEED IT.
GIMME THAT THING CALLED LOVE.
I WANNIT!
HERE I AM, ST. VALENTINE!
MY BAGS ARE PACKED; I’M FIRST IN LINE!
APHRODITE, DON’T FORGET ME,
ROMEO AND JULIET ME!
FLY, DOVE! SING, SPARROW!
GIMME FAT BOY’S FAMOUS ARROW!
GIMME, GIMME THAT THING CALLED LOVE!
Finale
So, you see, snookums,
you can marry your boss after all.
MILLIE:
Who cares? I found myself a green glass love.
JIMMY:
Funny, I found myself an emerald.
HAVE YOU SEEN THE WAY THEY KISS IN THE MOVIES?
MISS DOROTHY:
ISN’T IT DELECTABLE?
ENSEMBLE:
GOOD-BYE, GOOD GOODY GIRL,
I’M CHANGING AND HOW!
I’M CHANGING AND HOW!
I’M CHANGING AND HOW!
ENTIRE COMPANY:
SO BEAT THE DRUMS ‘CAUSE HERE COMES
THOROUGHLY
HOT OFF THE PRESS! ONE STEP AHEAD!
JAZZ AGE!
WHOOPEE BABY!
WE’RE SO THOROUGHLY MODERN…
[A brand new modern arrives
looking for her break in the city.]
ENTIRE COMPANY:
NOW!
Finale Bows
ENTIRE COMPANY:
SO BEAT THE DRUMS
CAUSE HERE COMES THOROUGHLY
HOT OFF THE PRESS! ONE STEP AHEAD!
JAZZ AGE!
WHOOPEE BABY!
WE’RE SO THOROUGHLY MODERN
MILLIE:
MILLIE
ENTIRE COMPANY:
NOW!
